Ruminating

just kind of been pondering and taking a second to reflect on a consistent thought .... there still is a tender spot which does not want to heal .. i have already given the effort to make this said situation be if anything a pragmatic relationship. i honestly feel a real loss where two people were familiar with the other's qualms in every aspect. The feeling which i'm at loss to explain is why i would even take the time to step backwards.... how contrary from my whole moving on with time. I just feel a great loss and it really hurts and i can't think of any word that would capture the feeling except just sad. I'll do things to keep busy... at the end of day though, i'm not sleeping right and i'm honestly not happy nor do I care to start anything else. Its more of a being stuck, not knowing what to say or do and only hoping its the same on the other end. what can i do if its not, i just don't truly care to accept that fact and i'd rather go thru this than to just know its finished. i miss the laughs, the fun, the being real part. i miss min.

** took me awhile to post this just cuz i was scared.. yet u know what.. its ok to be scared sometimes. its my blog anyways. lolz.

12/04/08