A Silent Night

I know exactly the picture I want to put up for this blog, I just need to go and take it. It's not a picture of my grandmother who i call "mija" and who this blog will be referencing. It's actually the family's last name of BECERRA which was written in the cement driveway when it was still wet at my Mija's house many years ago.**
**added
My grandmother's name:

Guadalupe Rodriguez who married Ernest Becerra (who passed when i was in middle school)

8 children all alive and well, plenty of grandchildren, plenty of great-grandchildren

76 years old

The reason for this blog:

my grandmother is in a hospice now, just admitted yesterday, and she is dying from colon cancer.

The irony of it all :

One being this is the season of life and happiness, new beginnings. Two being that I call her "Mija" while the rest of my family calls her "abuela" ... mine means "little girl"...the other means "grandma". The reason for this is when i was younger she always said Mija to me and i thought that was her name. Three being that the last time the family all came together was during my younger years at Christmas time because of my grandma. It probably stopped right when i hit middle school. Fourth being the cycle of life and how your parents always took care of you and how you end up taking care of them later.

The Now:

just reflection and memories. My creativity comes from my Grandma and my dad without doubt. I remember her stories about her life, her raising 8 children as almost a single mother because remember back then the husband just worked, came home to eat and not be disturbed and go to sleep. Also her struggles of having to learn english, and just struggles in general that none of us really go through because we have pretty much the good life now right? She has been living a blessed life, 76 years, she has done what she has wanted to do and she is ready to move on, she has told me this. So you tend to be accepting of the fact yet of course it hurts because changes will be made and you will miss your loved one. That point bothers me, yet what gets me more.. is my dad. It's his mom. imagine... years and years and your very fortunate to have your mom around soo long and by your side. He's crying. and i dont know what to say or do. He's the oldest, that is her first born. and you see that connection and its beautiful yet its too painful to watch as events unfold. You deal with one situation on a day to day basis to where it becomes normal and you forget that person still has memories and feelings and can still relate to what's going on. (in reference to my dad) and then here comes a factor in life which we all know has to happen yet you are just never ready for it. Im not sure u really can be ready for it.

The Hospice:

It's the Houston Hospice on Holcombe. Extremely peaceful, friendly environment with caring staff. I've had experience since I use to volunteer for a Hospice in Waco. A Hospice is a facility that provides special care for those nearing the end of their life and their family. It can either be at home or in an actual facility.

Solution:

I'm not really sure. Faith, prayer is more for the individual... i suppose i'm looking for more strength or to be the one who takes the rain for both my father and I. i dont know why i feel like i have to protect his feelings. maybe i should just see how he handles the situation over the next couple of days. same goes for all my uncles and aunts...